2001-11-11 - 12:25 a.m.
ive been wanting to write about yesterday. after lunch, i was mad at the world. my guidence councellor was being a bitch, and it all went downhill from there. i sat in biology and wanted to strangle everyone. anyone that said a word to me was on my deathlist. i dont usually let events like the guidence councellor effect my real life, but it happened friday. i was so mad about her, and then i was even more mad that dave wasnt there with me to calm me down, and then i got even more mad when people would talk to me because they werent dave, and i didnt want anyone but dave. is that bad? when i start hating people because they arent dave? i didnt care. i needed him. i almost cried i needed him so badly.
last night we talked about how poor we will be living in a one-room apartment in new york someday. he said that he often layed in his bed and thought about where we would arrange our furniture. i didnt mention it then, but it was definitely the best thing ive ever heard.
today was insane. went to college... uh? visited belmont with elise. it was really fun. my parents love elise and her mom, so all is well there. i told my mom today that i probably wouldnt be as excited about college as i am if it werent for elise.
we went to the trace today- me, dave, elise and scott. it was really pretty out, and i took some half-ass pictures. at least ill have them though. good enough. then we went to the apartment, where we played with cattie, and i took like, 10 pictures of cattie. oh! speaking of cattie! elise wants a kitty too!! even more to look foward to!
then dave and i made our way back to his house where he eventually told me all of these things about before we were together. i was blown away. god if i had only known, or had the slightest hint. goddamnit.
i liked taking care of him today though. i like to feel needed.
alright im fuckin exhausted.
"there is no pain you are receding, a distant ship, smoke on the horizon. you are only coming through in waves. your lips move but i cant hear what youre saying. when i was a child, i caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye i turned to look but it was gone. i cannot put my finger on it now. the child is grown, the dream is gone. i have become comfortably numb." pink floyd, of course. i heard it on the way home, and it hit me like it always does.
