2001-10-19 - 11:49 p.m.
its been a few days, hasnt it, dear diary? ive been either too distracted or too exhausted to notice you, and i apologize.
today, although my day off from school, was surprisingly hectic. well, not surprisingly. i planned it, damnit. i awoke after a good 11 hours of sleep, ready for a self-sacrificing day of fake laughs and smiles for interviewers alike.
my dad took me to lunch in green hills, seeing as he planned to take me to j. crew also (check out the fall magazine... id be damned if there was a pair of shoes in there that i didnt like... for men too... im dying for those fuckin mary janes) but we ran out of time and didnt want to be late for belmont. it was a little weird at lunch. i realized how little my dad and i have to talk about. we basically just talked about college, except, he cant hear that well, especially in resteraunts. its almost annoying to me. i feel like i should be more sensitive, but its such a prevalent occurance with him that i get so sick of feeling like im yelling in public places. waiters think that hes ignoring them when really he just doesnt hear them. i have to say, "DADDY." for him to look up, and then realize that the waiter is standing there, and then hes embarassed. my dads just getting old, and i think that i am definitely in denial about it. a lot of it has to do with his looks, he really looks like hes in his mid-forties. he runs every day. he never speaks of retirement, or plans to ever retire. i guess im just kidding myself. i try to ignore it, and its not doing me any good. i should just live, and enjoy my time with him. i dont want to think about his fate, or my moms. aghh new subject.
daves so unhappy. i almost felt like crying today. i wish so badly that there was something i could say, but im just so retarded. i never know how to help.
so i went to belmont today for what i thought would be my interviews. turns out that the people i needed to see were out of town and i got stuck with the wrong people. oh well. at least i can go back. OH! and. i have a roommate! hehe, elise is my new quarters companion. how cool is that? i cant wait to decorate.... oh god... i think that we are gonna get to hang out tommorow, so we can make all kinds of plans.
and i got a job at jersey mikes. i will have MONEY! for the first time in forever. i shall have a cd player in my car in 2 weeks. good god, i think ive paid my dues just in waiting, but whatever. im gonna need to start saving up though, for next year... imagine that.
frist center tommorow. i dont feel like going, but im sure ill be glad that i did once im there. its really the same all of the time.
i want to make people happy. why is it so hard?
"all my life is on me now, hail the pages turning. and the futures on the bound, hell dont know my fury. youre all i need, youre all i need... and maybe some faith would do me good. i dont know what im doing, dont know should i change my mind, i cant decide, theres too many variations to consider. no thing i do dont do no thing but bring me more to do, its true, i do imbue my blue unto myself, i make it bitter. baby lay your head on my lap one more time. tell me you belong to me. baby say that its all gonna be alright..." fiona puts me so well.
