2001-10-14 - 10:49 p.m.
and your new entry is long overdue dear diaryland. i cant find time on the weekends. im more busy on the weekends than on weekdays... arent they supposed to be full of rest/relaxation? friday kinda was... i mean, corky romano wasnt very relaxing, but the trip to my spot definitely was. then yesterday was full of the insanity of sat, and thrifting (without luck), and then a ridiculous saturday night church service, and then all of the stress of the rain, and exhaustion. at least jay was insanely good... the bellcourt is the most underrated venue ever. i want to see every concert there from now on. and i want the same seat. 2nd row, dead center, yeah! i felt like a dork going in right when doors opened, but the seat was defintely worth it. he couldnt have been more than 15 ft away from me. it was amazing. and he played both of my favorite songs, and the guitarist was awesome, especially on the steel lap, but the electric got out of hand sometimes... i had to whisper, "butt rock" to myself... it was ugly. but the concert was fuckin amazing. and jared didnt show up, or at least i didnt see him, which made it even better. the titans game today was sorta fun, but really hot, and i couldnt get enough food, i just kept eating and eating. then when i arrived home, i was in an unbearable mood. thankfully, dave came to my rescue, once again.
he says weve been bickering, which i havent really noticed. im hoping this doesnt mean that i havent been paying attention to his reactions. i hope he realizes that im hardly ever upset with him- that its always the situation that gets me anxious. we dont fight, and its weird. i mean, its great, but i dont know how it works so well. this weekend, when little things would happen, it would do the opposite of worrying me. it would almost comfort me as i would think, thank god, we really arent kidding ourselves.
i think we are both just people pleasers. we are both fairly selfless (especially him). we dont get mad because we are tolerant, caring people. so when he says we have been bickering, i have to think hard. he worries so much. he worries that im mad at him. he feels bad about everything, even things that he didnt even cause, even things that were my fault... it makes me feel bad for changing my mood. i guess im just overanalyzing. overdramatizing, yet again. its just that i hold being with him as a sacred time. i want him to be as happy as i am. i think he does too. we are great at cheering each other up. maybe thats why it feels so right.
and as my dear francis says, "the world will pardon my mush."
thats all, for now. im sleepy. too much work today.
