2001-09-25 - 11:25 p.m.
ohh my eyes hurt. a damn late night last night, and damn well worth it. ive found, over the years, that it is much more beneficial to miss out on a little sleep than to miss out on wonderful conversation. and, hes honest with me, and i love it. like he said, theres no inner-monologue, theres no worries or wondering. everything is just right, for now, and thats all that we need. i am so lucky.
oh my, elise read my diary for an hour? good god, alexis is flattered.
mom and i are going to belmont tommorow. we are gonna chill, and eat lunch, pick up some brochures, etc. we are both so excited... more excited than weve ever been for a college visit. i stressed a little more today exactly how interested i am in belmont. she seemed very surprised, and very, very happy.
so i went to guy today. i told him about belmont, and how excited i am to finally feel like i have a solid idea in my head for my future. he was taken back, because it was fairly sudden for him. two weeks ago, i mentioned that i wanted to be in a rural, outdoor setting; that i wanted to get away. ive thought a lot since then, and i think that i wsa just trying to put myself through some discomfort to see if i could take it, to test my strength and perseverance, see if i am adept or inept to the challenge of being all alone, for once in my life. conversely, i really dont see what i need to prove anymore. i want to be here. i want to be comfortable. thats all there is to it. ill have more, and better chances to move away. seattle, please?
also, guy and i talked about my whole "concious revolution" in tenth grade. what precipitated the slow event, what ive learned, etc. he wanted to hear about clay, so i told him. it was the first time that i have talked about him to anyone for a while now. made me wonder where he is, how he is, especially in the aftermath of the apocalypse. the mother in me wants him to be okay.
and, i got a note from caro today. i really dont want to say much more about that because, im tired, and i dont know how to approach it yet. i have ideas, but cant seem to accept any of them. ill let you know how it seems.
ohhh shit. new jay farrar album today. and, oh yes, i got the limited edition, which is equivalent to 3 serious bonus tracks. so happy. its incredible. and even more incredible?: im seeing him in 20 days. shit.
takas birthday tommorow. i love that kid. i might have to call on his little ass.
goodnight kids.
"along for the ride, or just watching the time, in the spirit of the one constant threat? policing yourself in a lifelong pursuit, hanging on til the ring of the bell?" farrar, yeah.
