2001-09-23 - 11:21 p.m.
so i just signed elises guestbook, because i should have. and, elise is cool... i want elise as my friend... haha.
so finally, i have plans, for my future. for next year, at least. FINALLY! finally, i have come to realize that i really DONT want to get away, as i always thought that i had. all of my friends that went out of state, are coming back within the next two semesters. im figuring that i should take that as a hint. as deplorable as it sounds, i dont want to be far from my parents, as i once thought that i did. i mentioned belmont to my mother, and she was so elated. i figure, i can keep a few people happy by sticking around, including myself. im also wondering, that coersion by mentioning scholarships, would be effective in exhorting an appartment, instead of a dorm next year. i can only hope. my mom and i are going to visit belmont wednesday. i think that ill propose the idea wednesday evening at dinner.
i dddddont want to live in a dorm, ive decided. i dont like girls, normally. i couldnt handle living with most girls. me, the only child, the eremite, the needy one, wants to live without 30 girls on her floor. i dont think thats too much to ask. umm, maybe they will think i deserve it? ha.
so i think ill write about what im learning to you, diary. i dont think anyone else would care so much. so im absorbing a nice read on zen buddhism, one that guy told me to. i must say, that i could easily be "awakening the buddha within" [the name of the book]. surprisingly, though, i think that ive always been buddhist, and never known. you know how i write about breathing and smiling and dancing... these are the stepping stones for enlightenment, peace, love. i need to become more aware, though. i need to absorb more, observe more, listen more. i want to. lamas are completely aware, all of the time, of their surroundings, worlds, of their finite lifetimes. they embrace every moment as a rebirth, which makes so much sense. i have been urged to cultivate relationships, nourish them, be a mother. i like that.
theres so much more that i would like to write about it, but its so late. im up early in the morning.
so goodnight kids, take good care.
