2001-07-24 - 3:39 p.m.
so i have some time at home alone today. how nice it is to be writing in here, and not be sitting in the dark in the middle of the night.
"shhh!!! its the middle of the night!!!" that old white-haired man said in the hotel at lake maggoire.
today has been weird, because two things have happened that have caused me to feel a way that i normally do not. i have become extremely selfconscious because of them. im not one to care about my looks, at all, seriously. but today, has been just mortifying. they arent big things at all, so thats why im so confused as to why theyre affecting me so harshly.
so first, i went with my mom to get her hair cut by my lady. i sat and watched, and then this girl, who had to be very close to my age, came in and sat down for only about 5 minutes. she was only combing her hair. this was not just a regular old girl though. she was really, really pretty. i found myself extremely jealous of her long hair and long legs and cute shoes and cute shirt and that damn cute tatoo on the bottom of her back. it was horrible. plus, there were all of these mirrors all around (being a hairstyling place and all) so i would look at her, then glance over at myself, and it was so humbling... in a bad way. then she left and the episode of jealousy was basically over, except for the dregs left here.
secondly, we came home and had a call from the senior portraits place. so we went over, and picked them up. there were like, 40 proofs. i only like one. thank god that it was one in my drape, but still... thats horrible. it was totally the photographers fault though- horrible poses and backgrounds. when the hell have i ever stood with my hand in my jeans pocket?? thats not me! they shouldnt tell you how to pose- they should ask you how you want to pose. oh and they kept on catching me when i wasnt smiling because they wanted "serious" pictures- and they all turned out completely homosexual. pissed me off so badly.
so there are my superficial episodes for the day. i feel so sick. i never get upset about these sorts of things... why in the world has it all happened today?
maybe tonight will cheer me up. im going out with dilley, unless i go to a kung fu lesson with taka and vanaked. i think i just want to chill with dilley though. i miss the kid.
christopher should be coming down soon. my mom and i were talking about how i should take him to some shows when he comes. id love to bring him to esposito. he might not be into the whole genre but i think hed have fun. its gonna be weird hosting him here. its usually him hosting me in columbus. but hes gonna live here... even more eerie. i wonder what its gonna be like for him at vandy. hes not gonna know anyone. eh, anyway...
tommorow is going to be so exciting. dave and i are making the night into a day-long excursion. we are gonna dye our hair together... oh my. i hope my hair doesnt fall out from being dyed so much lately. then, the concert. i kinda hope that it rains. i would love to see dmb in the rain. ah tommorow i will be happy again. definitely.
oh yuck but tommorow i have to go to school to talk with my guidence councelor about furman and stuff. my mom made the appointment without my asking. i dont want to go. i dont want to deal with it. and now i have to go and write thank yous to the people who showed me around furman... i can tell that this is going to be a really aggrivating and overdrawn process with my parents. definitely something to dread.
thats all for now. take care.
