2001-07-19 - 11:12 p.m.
im back, from that simple trip. it was hell, yes, but beneficial, yes. furman was enamoring. i fell deeply in love with the campus. it is so far though, and i dont want to go to school where my parents are considering airfare. appalachian was cooler than i expected, but the location and campus just wasnt as nice. furman is damn expensive though. id have to work my ass off to get in and get scholarships and aid. i talked to the director of the art department for over an hour. he showed me all over the art buildings. shit, he was so damn nice, and fuck, senior art majors get their own loft space. he said there are usually only about 20 art major students. how cool would that be? the dark room was nice, and clean and organized. seeing the accomidations kind of inspired me to go into more 3D stuff, though. an amazing kiln room with about 8 different kinds of kilns, plenty of space and light for sculpture, and any kind of media you could ask to play with. i liked the guy, and the facilities, and the school, and the food, and the dorms, and the city. i loved it all, except for the drive. ok im done talking about that.
i was just talking to caro. its been a rough week for her, and for many. i dont really know how to approach it, other than assuring her that im here... and tiptoeing a lot... but it feels like it does nothing for her, almost insulting... almost like because i didnt know mikey, i dont know what grieving is like... almost like because i didnt know mikey, i shouldnt be concerned about her. i know she doesnt mean to make me feel this way, but the short conversations obviously leave us both with a bad taste in our mouths. its been like this all year. she is the one that is grieving right now, yes. id give her all that she wants, id give that girl everything if she asked.
"no dont cry, if its too high i lift you up. well make it, make it. when i was oh so tired you come along to wake me, wake me. time and time, again and again. with a smile you save." dmb.
thats all. gnight.
