2001-07-17 - 1:05 a.m.
so im here, but am i? ask anyone who was around me today, they would say no. im on that new yeast-management medicine, and i think that its really screwing with my mind. i was doing these weird uninhibited and outlandish driving things, saying the most detached shit, and completely mesmerized by television [especially commercials]. im at least hoping that it is the medication, and not just me falling apart.
we leave in the morning for colleges. i dont want to go, but thank god, it will be a short trip this time. i am hating leaving home and all of its accessories more than ever. at least i will be back in time for the espo show saturday night. taka has agreed to accompany me. thank god. he is my favorite company at shows, well, hes the only person who isnt boring to dance and sing with [not to mention the dancing and singing in the car on the ways to and from]. god its hard to leave again. tommorow will be all day in the car with my irritable and stringent parents. i plan to keep my headphones on. the college visits wont be bad, but thats like, 6 hours out of 4 days. what the hell am i supposed to do the rest of the time? ill just keep my headphones on.
i talked to clay this afternoon. hes thinking of quitting summer school again and moving to the farm. i was disappointed. yes, teh farm is heaven, and you dont need an education to work/live there, but i want more for him. maybe he doesnt want more, but i do. i wish hed get himself together.
ok im gonna cut this off because i have more words to write elsewhere. take care everyone, while im gone.
gnight.
