2001-07-13 - 12:40 a.m.
ah and im home, as if i wanted to be here.
today, hmm. mom woke me up at 10 for no reason whatsoever. i then had a dermatologist appointment to attend to. now i would like to say a few things about that. i am horribly, painfully embarassed that i go to a dermatologist. not that im self-concious about people knowing that i have bad skin, just because i dont like the idea that my parents pay as much money as they do on me for vain reasons. first, hundreds of dollars on my horrible teeth; now, even more on my terrible acne and yeast [which i will explain later] problems. i dont want to see a dermatologist for these things, i just want it to be gone... but id even rather have the bad skin than go to the doctor to rid myself of it. ok, im trying to pinpoint exactly why im so ashamed to go. i guess its because its so brentwood to take antibiotics and use prescription solvents to produce a comely complection. i dont want to fukin mess with it or have to rely on it [which i really dont, i dont take my meds or use the lotions, i just wash my face with the stuff they give me... but thats beside the point] to feel comfortable, or to not be scrutinized by my mother. she literally points out my zits, as if i dont know theyre there or something. grrr!
so anyway, i have this yeast problem. NO! not a yeast infection, something very different from a yeast infection. i learned today that, supposedly, we all have a certain amount of yeast in our skin from basically the boobs up, and with some people [apparently like myself] the kind of yeast interacts with the pH of the oils in your skin to formulate these bumps. i always just thought that they were oil bumps, nothing big, nothing noticable, nothing i ever cared about. i ignored them, but today, the dermatologist did not. she told me that i need to go on this new prescription, stop taking the old one, to exhaust these yeast things. the silly part is, the new medication will do nothing for my actual acne, it will just get rid of the bumps, which i didnt even care about in the beginning. this doesnt make sense to me. it is speculated that this new pill is just a louche attempt to practice experimental medication on unassuming young adults, and will probably make all of my hair fall out or even something much more devastating. nothing to prove this, as of yet.
is it just me or do i go on and on nowadays about ridiculously boring subjects? is my life this trivial? good god, alexis.
so then today i got a peticure... haha, im not gonna write about that.
tonight was another lovely evening. i went out with caro to share pics and everything. i dont really know what to say about it other than, it is uncanny how parallel our feelings are on the same subjects at the same times, even when we are apart. we both feel so oddly the same about college, and senior year, and what all of this is feeling like. i dont want to get into it. im sure ill have a forever long entry about those feelings soon.
oh yeah, last night. jared and i talked. the guy is still confusing me. almost all of me just wants him out of the picture completely. i feel bad, for his situation, for his proximity, for his lonliness. i dont know why he turns to me for promise or foresight or hope, though. thats enough of that.
celebrating my bday with my parents tommorow night. hoping that they dont surprise me with something other than a car cd player. i will honestly be disappointed if it is anything other than that. i wouldnt even want a new car, unless it had a cd player in it.
blah blah blah. me me me. enough diary, enough.
